“You can not deny the excitement and the power of opening night. From the time you first pick up the script, throughout the rehearsals, the costume fittings, the tech-runs, the sleepless nights personalizing the text, particularizing challenging emotional moments, closing in on the spine of the character and learning the words, you are continually on the “production runway” getting closer and closer to the ultimate lift-off of the play. And just like the young chick who has been relentlessly chipping away at the egg, on opening night, you have finally arrived at the moment where you break through the egg, lift off its top and emerge into a new and unforeseen world.

Without opening night, a production would be aimless and lost at sea. Opening night adds pressure to everything you do, a reality based and literal pressure which is as necessary to the creative process as is fantasy and the imagination. We always ache for more time, “Oh, please give us an extra three days,” yet, when you work with the best of the best, as we have with Becky Shaw, you can accomplish more than seemed humanly possible in the brief hours the Equity contract permits.

BECKY SHAW opens tonight. We are ready to break through the egg shell, we are ready to enter the new world and discover a deeper path of life and of living.”

Christina DeRosier as Suzanna with Marsha Cox as her mother Susan - Becky Shaw at freeFall Theatre

Opening Night played to a near sell-out crowd and a very responsive audience as did Saturday evening’s show.  It seems that audiences are “blown away”, to directly quote an audience member.   Cast is now beginning to relax into the show, and costume and set changes are taking less time.  Everyone is settling in to his/her role as the show begins to tighten up:  Saturday night, cast, crew, and show, hit an all time high.  The production was followed by a TALKBACK where at least half the audience members stayed to participate in a Q&A with Larry and the Cast. Comments ranged from:  “Best show I’ve seen in a long time”, to “I was so uncomfortable with Becky’s neediness, I could hardly watch it; it made me cringe”, to “It was so real life”, to “The whole play was so emotionally intense”.  And lots of questions were posed by audience members…. “What was the significance of the shoes?”, “What’s with all the food throughout the play?”, “How do you (the actors), go through such an emotional roller coaster ride, and then go home and manage to leave it all behind you”?

Finally, around 11:45pm, Eric Davis, freeFall’s Artistic Director, closed the Talkback, but many audience members stayed to ask a few more questions.

There is a matinee on Sunday, and then three days of well-deserved rest.  Ironically however, I see cast members emailing one another saying… “I can’t wait to be back on stage with you.”

If you are in St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay and surrounding areas and reading this, this is a MUST SEE. Call freeFall Theatre at: 727-498-5205 to reserve your tickets or check out their website:  http://freeFalltheatre.com

Oh yes, and by the way “Happy Birthday Marsha” (actress who plays Susan).  Hope you had a great day

Blind Date Gone Wrong, Becky Shaw: freefall theatre, Natalie Symons as Becky and Keith Edie as Max

Marsha Cox as Susan & Natalie Symons as Becky in freeFall Theatre's Becky Shaw

“Tonight we have our first audience, and we are just about sold out. We consider this performance a “preview/rehearsal” and I have the freedom to stop the play at any moment and continue to work with the actors. Last night was our first full dress rehearsal and I saw a few moments in the play that I look forward to helping the actors make more specific tonight.

Of course, it will be the addition of our first audience tonight that will take our five actors to a new and deeper understanding of what their journeys are all about. We have been working privately and in seclusion with our little story and we are ready now to include the rest of the family, the audience. Without the audience, not only does the theatrical event not exist, it is their presence, their “witnessing” the life onstage, that truly launches the actors into unchartered territories of the character’s soul.

I compare this relationship between the actor and the audience, to an electric circuit. A circuit is an unbroken loop of conductive material that allows electrons to flow through continuously without beginning or end. If a circuit is “broken,” that means its conductive elements no longer form a complete path, and continuous electron flow cannot occur in it. The location of a break in a circuit is irrelevant to its inability to sustain continuous electron flow. Any break, anywhere in a circuit prevents electron flow throughout the circuit.

You see? The audience completes the circuit! Without them, the circuit is broken and the life does not fully flow.”

Jim Sorenson as Andrew & Natalie Symons as Becky in freeFall Theatre's Becky Shaw

From what I have heard, last night’s preview was received with open arms by the audience.  It is difficult to know how an audience is going to react to a show, especially a comedy.  One loses one’s complete perspective when working in rehearsals.  Face it, after working on the script and production day in and day out, nothing seems funny anymore.  It’s as if a friend keeps telling you the same joke over and over.  At some point you yell “ENOUGH! NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!”   So it is in rehearsals.  Any humor that you have tried to infuse into the material becomes worn and tired and predictable after the 50^th time… and when humor becomes predictable, it also becomes deadly…and ceases to be humorous.  The laughter disappears.  All this is to say that as artists, we lose our objectivity during the rehearsal period, which is why an audience is so vital.  Much laughter filled the house at Thursday evening’s Preview.  It comes as this wonderful surprise to the actors and director, to hear an audience’s first response. They (the audience) have the ability to contribute this wonderful sense of freshness and discovery, just by their mere presence which in turn has a tremendous energizing effect on the actors.

Comedy is a funny business (no pun intended).  Someone once said to me, “Characters do not know whether they’re in a comedy or drama, only actors do.”  And if you are doing your job as an actor, you, the character, must not know this information.  You must absolutely forget this.  You must do the job you are asked to do:  create a full living human being who wants, more than anything, to accomplish what he has set out to do…. And you must do it… with all your might.

Larry sums up the actor’s job and life’s contradictions so well when he says:

“When we begin the journey of bringing the character to life, we must begin an intimate exploration, down to the roots – the roots of the characters’ suffering and the roots of their joy – as the two are joined at the hip and speak specifically to the characters’ deepest desire. Of course, this is a reflection of the truth of our lives, as we all know, in the most profound way and through experience after experience, the taste of suffering and of joy.

I love how this has been expressed by Mark Nepo in his wonderful book, The Exquisite Risk…Daring to Live an Authentic Life

“Like gravity, the presence and impact of suffering is an element of life we can’t escape. It’s interesting that the root of the word suffer means “to feel keenly.” Immediately, we are faced with a paradox. While feeling keenly is what opens us to suffering, feeling keenly is also what opens us to beauty, love and joy. One of the relentless mysteries of life is that you can’t have one without the other. They are inseparable.

It is very much like the nature of water. We can’t say, “I’d prefer the hydrogen only, please.” Once you separate the elements, it is no longer water, no longer quenching. It is the same with joy and suffering. Together they form the water of life, and it is the gift of feeling keenly that allows us to drink from that source.”

Suffering and Joy, pain and celebration, laughter and tears.  Life is a journey of contradictions.  And one contradiction is that at the root of all great comedy is suffering.

Jim Sorenson as Andrew & Christina DeRosier as Suzanna in freeFall Theatre's Becky Shaw.

I am thrilled that last night’s preview went so well.  I am not, however, thrilled that I was not there to share in the moment…   To Larry and the cast and crew of BECKY SHAW I say…. “This is YOUR moment…. the moment you have all worked so tirelessly for. No one deserves it more.  Enjoy! and Congratulations! I miss you all.

I walk into a contradiction to what I experienced outside.  There is a buzz of activity inside the theatre.  Crews are milling about doing last minute odds and ends.  Larry is sitting in the middle of the theatre talking to Eric Davis, freeFall’s Artistic Director and Creative Genius (will get to that later).  I haven’t been here since Thursday’s rehearsal.  Much has changed.

First let me introduce myself.  I’m Eugenie Bondurant.  I live here in St Pete.  I met Larry when I took his Meisner Teacher Training when it was here in St Petersburg.  I was a member of the inaugural class and the subsequent second year.  His work changed my life.  I am a performer and acting teacher.  I’m writing this because Gaye graciously let me pick up the ball when she left.  I cannot even pretend to be as introspective as she is about this adventure; but I digress.  Here is my story.

Back to the play… As I said, much has changed.  Let me take you to the physical space so you may draw a picture of it.  The set has been transformed from what was on Thursday a rudimentary makeshift stage where the actors are blocked to a hotel bedroom, a living room, a studio apartment, a park, and a kitchen to name a few.  What looks simple now is actually quite complex.  There are 9 locations which means there are beds, chairs, end tables, steps, a dressing room table, a couch, table and bar; an entire kitchen island with a working stove and sink; all going in and out at various times.   The metamorphosis depends on moving walls on hinges (again the brainchild of Eric Davis) and a brilliant stage crew. The back wall is covered with muted beige Warhol-esque large photos of the actors; their digital faces in large squares seem to fade into wallpaper as we watch the scenes progress.  There “seems” to be no lighting tricks here; it’s just your mind getting more involved in what is happening on stage.

During the scenes, the side walls of the set flanking stage right and left become video screens of what we don’t see:  an extension of what is on stage.  In scenes where our married couple is in their apartment, we see (on video) the kitchen on one side and the apartment stairwell on the other.  In set changes we see music video homage of what is to come.  It’s visually enticing to watch.  The videos signal scene changes; time changes; city changes; even the character’s psychological shifts…progression of life as the character knows it, changes.

This is evidence of the vision of two amazingly talented men:  Larry and Eric. Can you tell how impressed I am with their vision?  Wow. Very cool, hip, and contemporary.

I am seated in the theatre now.  Larry and Eric are sitting in the audience behind me talking.  Larry seems calm and ever observant.  Seeing the two of them together is like watching magic about to happen.

“Laugh, when you feel the urge.  And LOUD” Larry tells me.  Oh man, now I’m feeling the pressure.  It’s dress rehearsal night.  There is no stopping.  It’s the time when the actors should know their lines and cues.  They have rehearsed their moments.  What must be done needs to be done.  In the theatre there are no signs of actors, no laughter now coming from the rehearsal hall, no crying for that matter either. The only thing buzzing about is the tech crew fixing lights, making sure props are in the right place, making sure the moveable walls work properly, making sure the lights are a go, etc.

I see Marsha come in slightly distressed – the music is way too high in the dressing rooms.  It makes it hard to concentrate.  Concentrate?  She seems focused and driven.  Is that we do?  Do we go over our moments? Do we focus on what happens when we “come to the door” or do we meditate and relax so that we are open to what comes our way?  Dress rehearsal… I’d be nervous as a bed bug.

As actors we are trained to ask, from where am I coming? What do I intend to do?  Why must I be here?  Why must I go into the room?  Why must I talk to my partner?  This night is the first where the actors are putting it all together. It is the first full run for the actors, since last Saturday, when focus turned to incorporating all the tech. into the show. Yikes! It probably feels more like eternity to the actors, who have been patiently supporting and serving the crews, so they could do their jobs.  I can only imagine, the pressure of making it all happen.  Finally, tonight is the night to see the show in its entirety.  Everyone needs to be on their game.  No job is too small.  Everyone is counting on everyone.  All the props are now the real things, from panini maker for grilled cheese sandwiches to brewing coffee on stage.  Costume changes have been rehearsed. Set changes resemble a well-choreographed dance number.  The actors are using the sets as their homes.  Running through the play demands that the actors desperately hold on to and also let go of their emotional preparation.  Much is at stake; it seems even more so than opening night.

 Act I is now completed.  2 set changes in the first act.  This is the first time I’ve seen the entire run-through of the play.  The characters are well set up.  We meet them.  We understand the involvement that they have with one another.  The tiny human moments that were put in motion during rehearsals are there.  Some are working, some need yet another pass.

Interesting to see what we don’t see as an audience member.  We see, but don’t realize that we are seeing preparation.  Thinking back to the emotional preparation that one must do as a performer, and putting oneself in the moment while adapting to the context of the scene, sometimes seems like a juggling sensation.   As Larry says, “Once it gets in your bones the juggling becomes more human and natural.” We can’t play at doing this, otherwise we’d be in our head, wouldn’t we?  However…even in the areas that may need a bit more rehearsal, the solid preparation is there.  The actors have done their homework.  It’s now time to trust their instincts.  They are “be-ing” in the present while also driving the play forward.

The show ends.  There is no curtain in this theatre, and there is no actor’s bow at the end either; at least not tonight.  Doesn’t mean there won’t be a bow; it just means that it hasn’t been rehearsed yet.  The actors have completed their arduous task of first flight. The house lights come on.  The actors seem numb.  They are quiet.  It’s almost as if you could hear a pin drop for a short moment.  They now wait.  Waiting for what?  The play’s end tonight was anti-climactic and exhausting for them, I’m sure; or so it seems.  The play is an emotional, albeit funny, roller-coaster ride.  “Actors, change out of your clothes” is heard over the loud speaker by the stage manager.  “…Notes…the last scene…” and some of the last words I hear before I leave:

“That last scene is not an easy scene; well, none of the scenes are easy.”

“The last scene wraps up the play.”

“The last scene includes the entire cast.”

“The last scene leaves the audience with the last flavor.”

The last scene was stopped during dress rehearsal by Larry.

They have another 22 hours, before Opening Night.  There is still plenty of time.

To borrow again from Larry’s website, True Acting Institute, where he describes Sunday’s rehearsal…

On Sunday we had our first “ten-out-of-twelve”, working from 10am until 10pm with a two-hour break in the middle. This day was devoted to working out technical demands of the play which has nine scenes and seven different locations, each requiring a totally unique setting! Eric Davis, the Artistic Director at freeFall is our set, sound and costume designer for Becky Shaw and he has truly outdone himself in every department. The multi dimensional set Eric has designed, (with a huge back wall covered by a “wallpaper” revealing the faces of the five characters), utilizes swinging walls to give us new configurations for the different settings of the play. Most stunning of all, Eric has created a series of beautiful, cinematic videos that are being projected onto the two outer walls of the set during the show. These videos, at times, give us a tour of the physical locations and other times explore the psychological landscape of the characters’ minds and as each scene begins, the stage lights come up as the videos morph into a still image which becomes an integral part of the current location of the play.

Obviously, all these technical elements of Becky Shaw needed much attention on Sunday, which was also the first time we had the opportunity to rehearse the light, sound and video cues as our four person crew moved the furniture and props in and out of place for each location of the play. And, as we worked through these issues in the theatre, the five actors were using the time to sit in the green room and do a four-hour line rehearsal.

Truly, one of the best things about working on Becky Shaw at freeFall, is the continual feeling that every single person involved – both cast and technical staff – are on the same page, focused intensively on our common mission of telling the story in the most authentic, specific and passionate way. Unfortunately, many times in this industry, you have to work with people who make the project only about themselves out of a desperate need to feed their own egos. So, it is a breath of fresh air to work with our extraordinary cast and production staff, in a most collaborative environment, where the play is the thing!

Here’s the tip, the best results are always achieved through true collaboration…

Collaboration: is working together to achieve a goal. It is a recursive process where two or more people work together to realize shared goals. This is more than the intersection of common goals seen in co-operative ventures, but a deep, collective, determination to reach an identical objective, for example, an intriguing endeavor that is creative in nature — by sharing knowledge, learning and building consensus.”

I would go as far as to say that in our collaborative art form, the true collaborative spirit of which Larry speaks, is sadly often a rarity not the rule.  This is what has made Becky Shaw so special.  Everyone is empowered to creatively contribute.  The individual parts stand so strong on their own, and at the same time each artist is dedicated to something greater than themselves- to the greater good – each in service to the play and to each other, each dedicated to giving the best they have to give… and then some.  When brought together, united by a common vision… there is no limit to what one can accomplish.  Every now and then we are blessed to find ourselves in the presence of such company.  freeFall is indeed the Company and Becky Shaw the show.   I am humbled, as I think back on my own personal career and the extraordinary individuals (friends, colleagues, designers, actors, technicians, students etc) that have created labors of love along side me.

Cast and Crew had hoped to complete a run of the show on Tuesday, but as it turned out, the day was needed to continue to solidify all the technical demands of the production, and there are many in this particular show.  I have always felt that production crews are overworked and underpaid.  Their jobs are staggering, when one considers the time restraint they must function under and what they must accomplish.  It never ceases to amaze me how they do it; how they make it all come together.  To outsiders, this is what is considered the “magic of the theatre.”  It certainly appears effortless and magical in performance.  That is as it should be.  But to us inside the black box that we call home, there is really nothing magical about it.  It is simply tireless hours of hard work, dedication, and an unwavering commitment to the show and to excellence. The job must get done. I have nothing but the greatest respect and admiration for the work of production crews.  In my opinion they are our unsung heroes of the theatre. I applaud each and every one of them.  So, to the production crew and everyone involved backstage in Becky Shaw, bravo… and thank you.

Today’s run-through went extremely well.   Larry whispered to me mid-rehearsal, “I think we are now officially ‘over the hump’ Gaye.”

Today, the play and the actors began to fly on their own.  It was wonderful to see.  As a director, it is always a proud poignant moment… akin to being a parent  and watching your child take her very first steps on her own.  All the falling, bruised knees, and banged heads suddenly disappear, and what remains is that beautiful moment of achievement.

I must interject a final word on what sets Larry’s direction apart, from any other director I have watched.  He manages to create these moments of extreme detail, where one small action suddenly crystallizes and celebrates our common humanity.

There are priceless moments in the show that demonstrate what I am talking about.

One of these moments is in the coffee shop scene between Becky and Andrew. Becky, who admits to being poor and struggling, leaves the coffee shop, but not before stuffing condiments (salt, pepper, sugar, creamers etc), napkins, and plastic utensils into her purse.

Max is asked to remove his socks in a scene and leave them in a crumpled ball on the floor, only to attempt to put them back on in the heat of the moment.

At a get-together in Act I, Scene 2, Suzanna proudly creates delectable snacks for a small pre-party at her and Andrew’s apartment.  As Max and Andrew pop one of the tidbits into their mouths, they freeze.  These are the worst snacks they have ever tasted.  Not wishing to offend Suzanna, they play the remainder of the scene out as if nothing is wrong, with food crammed into one side of their cheek, too afraid to swallow.

In Becky’s need for love and affection, she thrusts Andrew’s hand into her bosom, only to discover her top is buttoned too high and his hand will not slip into her shirt.  No problem.  She simply proceeds to undo her button and thrust his hand in once again… this time with success, I might add.

It is moments like these that detail his creative spirit.

Larry is ingenious; He is constantly trying to create obstacles in a scene, that actor’s must then ‘play against’.  This is one of the many gifts he gives to his actors.  These specific moments will live forever in my memory.  I laugh every time I see them, and I laugh now just remembering them.   They are just too, too, funny.

At the end of the run, he turned to the group.  Speechless and choking back tears he shared (and I paraphrase)… “I remember when Eric (Artistic Director of freefall) gave me this script to read (pause) and I made the decision to cast the five of you. (another pause)  You are all such a gift.  Your courage, your talent, your compassion and your humanity are remarkable. I couldn’t have asked for a better cast.”

It is true.  Their courage, talent, compassion, and humanity ARE remarkable.  And I thought to myself… and Larry has lead the way, on all counts.  I guess it takes one, to know one.

Today ends my journey here in St. Petersburg anyway.  I am sorry to announce that I must leave tomorrow (Sunday, January 29^th), 5 days prior to our opening. I announce this with a heavy heart.  However, with the gracious help of Larry and Eugenie Bondurant (a gifted actress, teacher and dear friend of Larry’s who has completed the Meisner Certification Program), together we will see this blog through to opening night.  If I am not speaking to you directly, Larry and/or Eugenie will.   At times the posts may carry all of our voices, at times only one.  We feel a deep sense of commitment to you our devoted followers, to deliver what we promised.  So please keep checking back.

As I leave St. Petersburg I am feeling sad, and blessed, all at the same time.  Sad that this time is quickly coming to an end, and blessed that I had this unbelievable opportunity to work with the likes of this theatre, this cast, our stage manager extraordinaire –Daniel Lemien, and Larry.  And it is hard to say goodbye to not only this experience, but more importantly, these people that have made it so very special and unforgettable…Marsha, Christina, Keith, Natalie, Jim, Daniel and Larry with whom I have spent my days… my heart is so very full.  I will always cherish our time together.  I will continue to hold you in my heart and in my thoughts through the days ahead, as you journey forward to Opening Night… and I will continue to keep this blog alive, (with Eugenie and Larry’s help) even though I am thousands of miles away.  This is not goodbye.  It is “until we meet again.”

And so… until tomorrow…

As Larry so eloquently shares on his website: True Acting Institute – February 1st,True Acting Tip of the Day:

“One thing that I know for sure, if you are going to make progress in your acting training or in your career, you must become unreasonable with yourself, you must develop the willingness and the desire to work harder than you ever thought possible. And the pressures placed on your energy will be greater than you ever could have imagined. Believe me, there is no room in this arena for anyone who whines that they are tired, no one wants to hear it.

“You’re tired? Good for you, I am replacing you with an actor who isn’t.”

Simply, you must take the words “I’m tired” out of your actors vocabulary. In acting class, you will work with many partners who are too tired, people who will schedule scene rehearsals with you and then cancel at the last minute because it is inconvenient to carry their props to your apartment. In rehearsals for a play, you will work with actors who give half-hearted attention to the work because they drank too much the night before. Keep your distance from these kind of actors, they will make every attempt to drag you down with them into the quick sand of “I don’t really care about this.”

One of the great pleasures of working on Becky Shaw has been working with a cast, crew and technical staff who continually work at 110%, never ceasing to fulfill the needs of the play no matter the time it takes to accomplish the task at hand. This is a great joy.”

Now that Larry and the cast have examined and worked moment to moment through each scene, they are beginning to approach the play in its entirety.  It is time to start pulling the show together and running acts, so the actors have the opportunity to sense the journey and momentum of the story.

To begin, they once again ran the last scene, followed by a run of Act II, and then Act I.  They managed to cover a lot of ground.  Plans were to focus only on Act II on Thursday, however much to everyone’s surprise, (with about an hour left in rehearsal), Larry announced that he also wanted to run Act I.  No one was expecting this, and an awkward silence followed his announcement.  No doubt the cast was thinking, “Oh shit, no.  I’m so not prepared to do this act.  I didn’t even look at it yesterday. I prepared for only Act II.  Act I???  You gotta be kidding! This is gonna be a mess!”   But we got through it.

Friday’s rehearsal was a run-through of the whole show.  The cast ran Act I, followed by notes from Larry, a break, and the process was repeated with Act II.

For those of you unfamiliar with the rehearsal process, these run-throughs serve many vital functions for both the actor and director. It is the time when you see what is “sticking” and what is not; what is working and what is not.

Actors begin to get a sense of “through-line”…. How each moment builds on the previous moment and builds into the next. Actors begin to develop a stronger sense of the thought process and the ebb and flow of the “river”.  The river is the character’s emotional life that lies below the surface.   It shifts, changes, crashes towards the shore, and retreats.  The characters must not only connect to its undercurrents, but also allow themselves to move into them, and through them.  At times, these undercurrents are imperceptible, at other times deeply sensed though not seen, and yet again at times, they rise dangerously to the surface to express themselves passionately through the action and text…. But the river is always present… always.  Throughout these run-throughs, the actor begins to fully experience the character’s life, from beginning to end.  The play, as a result, begins to develop a life of it’s own, a rhythm of it’s own, as wills clash, conflicts rise and recede, laughter bubbles to the surface, and silence echoes a fullness of meaning that belies words.  This is the gift of the run-through.  To discover all this and more.

While actors begin to work now without interruption, the director who has been the driving force in rehearsals slowly begins to fade into the background, letting the actors take the reins. Instead of stopping rehearsals, he resorts to taking notes as the run-throughs begin – noting what he needs to go back and work or fix, and writing notes for the actors to incorporate into the next rehearsal.

In beginning rehearsals, many directors work in close proximity to the actors and the stage.  It makes it easier to jump on stage, quickly give an actor a private note, check back with his prompt book, and work with the stage manager who is nearby.  During today’s run-through, I noticed that Larry moved throughout the theatre (experiencing the show from different audience perspectives) rather than remaining in his fixed place in front of a piano bench in the front row. To me, this is always a clear indication that we were beginning to head for home.

It’s impossible for me to share with you all of Larry’s notes, but I will share with you some of the comments he has made to the actors:

• “Nothing in this play is casual.”…meaning you must always choose to strengthen your point of view, to work “in the extreme.”  You need to add a sense of urgency to what you’re doing.  What has JUST happened?  Why do you need to do it RIGHT NOW?
• “That is ‘old Values’.”…. which means that it is something we once did that was changed, or no longer works.  I love that term, “old values.”
• “We need to begin to get rid of unnecessary pauses.”  For example: “You don’t need to think in this moment; there is nothing for you to think about.”
• “Develop new things that crack you up.  Genuinely have fun. When you genuinely have fun, we have fun watching you.”
• “Eat and Talk.  If you pick up a piece of food you must eat it.”
• “Leave yourself alone.”
• “No faking anything!”  Larry is adamant about creating “the reality of doing”.  If you’re going to do it, you must really do it.  Specificity!  For example:  He said to an actor, “I want you to pick up a piece of paper off the floor when you come in.”  The actor replied that since it was upstage and covered from the audience by a couch, he could just pretend it was there, to which Larry replied, “No, YOU will know it is not.”  Another example:  Larry said to the actor, “I want you to clean up this spill” and then turned to the stage manager, Daniel, “Can we make sure there is water spilled on this counter for her to wipe up?”  You get my point.   Acting is the reality of doing.  And when you do, you really do.

• One last thing worth noting… Larry will never say an actor’s line.  It’s as if the lines are sacred and for the actor alone.  He will, however, talk about the intention of the line. He will improvise the subtext to help the actor understand the power and meaning behind the words. For example:  “I understand” means “You can trust me. Tell me all” or “Calm her down” when you say, “Sorry.  Sorry.”  Or when you speak of Suzanna, we need to hear: “Suzanna, that bitch!”

This is the kind of direction he gives.  Of course, many times there is great elaboration on his part.  I so enjoy these moments, when Larry steps into the skin of each character. He can be very funny, in his own seriously dry way.   He speaks the actor’s language, because he is an actor. He knows what actors need. He knows the craft of an actor, inside and out.  It is these qualities that make him such an amazing director.

His process of working with actors is completely rooted in the principles that Sandy Meisner devoted his life to, and whose footsteps Larry has followed.  When you see it in action day after day as I have been privileged to do, you come to a deeper understanding and appreciation of just how remarkable this technique is.  I know I have said this over and over in other posts. I apologize for being redundant;  I just can’t help myself.

Here is an Article that appeared in the Tampa Bay Times yesterday.

“There is almost always one very dark period to go through. It starts as soon as the formative work is done: during a period of days, one’s creation has been carried to a certain degree of completion; then, all at once, one stitch snaps and the whole work starts to unravel; you have a feeling of emptiness, powerlessness. It does not help to know that this is only temporary, that you have already been through such a period, and that you pulled out of it with good effect; you are none the less upset by it, and with good reason, for if this stage continues very long you may well lose your character along the way, although on the contrary, this is more likely to be the moment when he is getting ready furtively to slip into your skin.”

Today the cast entered this darkness that Dullin speaks. Most of us in the theatre know this moment only too well; Intellectually, we know, it is coming – almost as if it is a rite of passage.  Even so, we are taken off guard when it finally arrives.  Our hearts, that have finally begun to open emotionally to our character’s journey, are vulnerable to attack.  This of course is when it hits. It is that moment in rehearsals when we begin to falter, to lose our footing and our faith… in ourselves, and in our work.  Our joy in the work begins to dim and we grow weary. We are suddenly children in the dark. We panic. We struggle. We curse. We get frustrated, angry, upset. We cry. We plead.  We beg. We wallow in self-pity. We feel discouraged and tired.  We try to laugh it off.  We get defensive. We shut down.  We try again, and again, and again. The harder we try, the worse it becomes (or so it seems). Numb and exhausted, we finally throw our hands up in the air and we stop.  Stillness surrounds us.  Our inner landscape …our heart and mind…. go silent.  The fight is gone. We are spent. The radiant light that served to inspire us in the beginning, is now a flicker in the distance.  We feel alone. This darkness is what I call the Lost Period. Exhausted, defeated, and numb, we finally surrender. That small voice inside us whispers, “Where do you go from here? Who are you trying to fool? You’re just no good enough”.  Our hearts and souls begin to shrink in fear, that we will be exposed for the frauds we are.  And yet we are forever hopeful, we will find our way through the dark.

Living a life in the theatre is both a blessing and a curse.  Most of my friends in theatre would agree.  You don’t choose theatre; theatre chooses you.  It’s your life… calling… your heart’s desire.  And as Susan says to Suzanna in the play,  “The heart wants what the heart wants.”  I liken my love for theatre, to being caught in an intoxicating love affair:  too great to leave, and too painful to stay. And so we hang in the balance.  It is, without question, the most exhilarating, courageous, challenging, gut-wrenching work I know.  I am constantly reminding myself that the level of frustration we experience when in rehearsals is in direct proportion to how much we care.  I think this vital to remember, especially as we move through difficult times like today.

So as you may have guessed by now, today’s rehearsal was a complete roller coaster ride. There was a minor set back: the actor playing Andrew came down with food poisoning and rehearsals changed last minute to accommodate his absence. And there was a major break-through by the actor playing Susan, the motherly matriarch, who found a moment in the final scene to reach out to her adopted son Max. In a heart stopping and heartfelt moment, we glimpse her humanity and vulnerability hidden beneath her stoic façade…and we are united in our compassion and humanity for the struggling human spirit.  It was a wonderful rehearsal surprise that stopped us all dead in our tracks.

Thanks to Larry and the actors, I also experienced a great epiphany today. I think it was planted in me by something Larry said during one of our breaks.  For the life of me, I can’t remember what it was.  I know, I know… I apologize.  As I continued watching rehearsal, all I remember was slowly seeing the life of the actor and the character fuse together, as if by magic, before my very eyes.  I have never witnessed this before with such clarity.  I don’t know if I can adequately explain this in writing.  The personal struggle the actor was going through, WAS the personal struggle of the character, and the personal struggle of the character WAS the struggle of the actor.  Their lives had become seamlessly inseparable.  To actually witness this transformation, was nothing short of amazing!   Suddenly I flashed back to the first day I ever met Larry, in a small classroom in Salem.  He stood before our group, in his summer certification program and simply announced, “I am so excited to be here and to share with you this miraculous method of actor training called “The Meisner Technique”.  He wasn’t exaggerating.  It is truly MIRACULOUS! Today I was blessed to see it with my own eyes.

It is said that in every ending, there is a new beginning.  It is that way in life, and it is that way in Becky Shaw rehearsals right now.  Today we ended one phase of rehearsals and began another.

I must personally confess, that as I move through life and all that life throws at me, I have a deep need and desire to control my destiny…to take charge, to get into the driver’s seat and make things happen.  I am guessing some of you might relate.  This need to control can work to great advantage at times when we want to get things done, but life doesn’t always work that way.  Sometimes, life takes US for a ride, and all we must do is hang on.   To know when to keep pushing forward, and when to let go seems to be key.  The more our capacity for ‘hanging on’ is tested and strengthened, the more we grow in our capacity to endure.  Ultimately it prepares us for the next part of the journey.  And so, here we are at freefall… strengthening our resolve to endure and hang on.  Together, children in the dark, we hold each other’s hands, as we find our way into the light once again.

Much has happened in the play that we don’t see between Act II, scene six and scene seven, the final scene. Larry gathered the cast together, and they discussed and clarified the events that had taken place, in great detail, and on many levels:  the literal, emotional, and intentional level.   And speaking of intentions, I don’t want to give away the ending in any way, so I will remain intentionally vague in my details.

The final scene takes place in Susan Slater’s home (Suzanna’s mother’s home) where all the characters eventually make an appearance.  As Larry began today’s rehearsal,  he shared: “This scene is, for every single character, an attempt to recover from every thing that’s happened.   There is tremendous worry and great sadness for every single one of you.  Everyone is trying to stay ahead of this storm… this approaching tornado.”  And he continued to pose questions to the actors:   “Why are you worried and sad?  What’s that about? What is your storm? Why are you here?  What do want?  How did you get here?  How did you find out this news?   When was the last time you saw each other? What do you hope happens?”

First to arrive on the scene were Max and Suzanna.  It was agreed that they had driven up together in the car.

“What was that like?” Larry prodded, as he continued to help the actors flesh out the details.”How long was that drive?  What was your conversation like?”

Actor:  “We didn’t say a thing.”

Larry: “You drove up here all that way and didn’t say anything?”  What did all that silence do to you?”

You hopefully get my point.  Question, after question, after question.  It’s all about first learning to ask the questions.  And in order to go deeper… you must ask even more specific questions.  We all did this automatically as small children.   We were born with this joyful gift – this wonderful, imaginative,  genuine gift of curiosity:  “Why? … Well, why is that?… Well why? “  What happened to us along the way?  We need to reclaim, perhaps even demand our right NOT to have the answers, but to first ask the questions.  I think that is why I love the Rainer Rilke post:

“Live the questions now.

Perhaps you will then

gradually,

without noticing it,

Live along some distant day

into the answers.”

Asking questions is always the beginning of the journey; it forces us to dig deep.  I have said to my students, over and over, “ You have to be a detective.  If you want to be an actor, you have to develop a relentless sense of  curiosity… about living, about human nature, about discovering the truth, about this amazing life you are about to inhabit.  Go home tonight and write out all the questions you can think of that you don’t have answers to.”  You can see their eyes roll.  This isn’t fun.  No… but it is absolutely necessary.

As a teacher, I have often asked myself, “How do I teach curiosity?”  Students want results; students want to act.  They are in such a rush to get to the end.  “Give me the answers!!” they are often indirectly demanding… to which I often reply… “No, but I WILL try to teach you how to ask the questions so you can come up with your own answers.  I don’t want you depending on me.  I want you to know how to do this, when I’m not around.  I want you to ask your own questions and go in search of your own answers.  Focus on the journey…learn to love the journey, not the destination.”

Students often wonder, “Well how do I know what questions to ask?” and  I simply reply, “You don’t.  Ask them all.  Some will become more meaningful than others, but you won’t know that now.  Just begin.  You will learn as you go.”

But I digress. Back to rehearsals….

I love how Larry begins working on each scene.  Rally the troupes!  Make sure we’re all on the same page.  Flesh out what has happened. What do you know?  What’s your problem?  What do you want?  Why is this important?   What are the stakes?  What happens if you don’t get what you want?  This is where we’re going, in today’s work.

As rehearsal continued throughout the day, Larry’s repeated refrain was “Nothing is casual here. There is nothing casual in what you are saying or doing.” which is just another way of saying – fight as if your life depended on it…because it does. “Save your marriage!  Teach her this lesson! Make sure she really gets it! This is your chance to make sure she is going to be all right when you are no longer around!  Never give up on doing what you know you must do! Even what appears to be giving up, is another way of fighting for what you want.  Do it again…  No, do it again… No, again.”

There is nothing small about Larry.  He has the heart of a champion.  He knows exactly what he wants.  And Larry, true to form, never gives up on what he wants, and most certainly, he never gives up on you, and will never let you give up on you either.

Now the Queen’s Head is a rather eclectic bar, with a large patio area where you have your choice of sitting at a table, or lounging in bed.  Yes, you heard me right.  There are beds in this bar!  Double beds!  While we were there, a stray dog wandered into the area.  (Imagine if you will,  a life-like little Benji dog.)  He was absolutely adorable. Natalie, who plays Becky Shaw, was told the dog’s name was Becky.  And you guessed it.  The bonding between her and the dog was instantaneous!  I think she saw it as a sign.  Both Becky Shaw and Becky the dog, were strays you see… outcasts.  They shared much in common… they were both lost and alone and in desperate need of love and affection. Natalie was beside herself with concern.  Finally it was revealed that the dog’s name was Bentley, not Becky, but by that time it was too late.  The connection was already made between the two.

It didn’t take us long to realize that Bentley quite possibly had been wandering the streets for quite some time.  And being true artists, we decided it was our duty as good citizens, to help poor Bentley find his home.  He had tags, so we proceeded to call home and leave a message…or two.  In the meantime we knew we had to somehow keep him from wandering off until his owners came to pick him up.  The owner of the bar, just so happened to have some dog treats on hand (he was obviously an artist type person too), so Bentley, our weary little wanderer,  was fed and watered and propped up  on some cushions on the outdoor couch, to rest.   However,  we needed to find a rope to keep him there until we heard from his owners.  Everyone was charged with finding a rope.  After a 15 -30 minute search, yours truly wandered down the street to an artist’s studio and 5 minutes later, returned…. Mission accomplished.  Bentley’s safety was now secured, and so, he shared what was left of the evening with us.  Everyone seemed to take their turn, making him feel part of the family.  Natalie was still upset.  She leaned over to me at one point and said, “Gaye, I can’t even carry on a conversation, because of that dog.  Look at him.  What are we going to do if his owner doesn’t show up?”  of course, being a dog lover myself, I was not the person to calm her fears.  We consoled one another and continued to dote on poor scruffy, flea-infested Bentley.

The DJ of the bar, who had placed the call to Bentley’s mom and/or dad, was the hero of the evening.  He would take Bentley home at the end of the night, if no one called.  A sigh of relief.  Tonight Bentley would not wander homeless.

As I left the bar that evening, I turned to look at Bentley one last time.  “You take care of yourself, buddy,” I thought.

I don’t know what ultimately happened to Bentley, but I do know, our paths were meant to cross.  There are no accidents in life.  And I want to believe that he is now, safe at home, showered with the love and affection he deserves, bathed and cleaned and laying in his soft, cushy bed soaking up the sun that is streaming through the window…and dreaming… of his next adventure.